I Hit Submit and Then Sat Very Still for Ten Minutes

It was past nine when I did it. I wasn't planning to do it tonight, I was planning to look at the page again, maybe read the course description one more time, maybe screenshot it and add it to that folder on my phone that I still haven't named. Instead I filled out the form.

Introduction to Communications. Tuesday and Thursday mornings, starting in September. Community college, fifteen minutes from here, forty-two dollars for the course catalog I probably don't need but will definitely buy. I have no idea why that specific class. Something about the description felt like it was written in a language I already half-spoke, and before I could google whether that was a sign or just good copywriting, I had submitted my registration and my hands were doing that thing where they feel faintly electric.

I wrote in that post a couple weeks ago about the googling, the 11pm tabs, the community college page next to the gap-year program page, the way I kept framing it as hypothetical. Someone left a comment on that one. Just a short one, from a username I didn't recognize, that said something like 'the hypothetical ones are the ones that are already decided.' I closed the laptop and went to bed pretending I hadn't read it. I have been thinking about it constantly.

the notebook isn't helping yet

Anyway. The confirmation email is in my inbox. The lopsided bowl is on my dresser. I have one intro course registered for September and absolutely zero additional information about what I am doing with my life, which feels about right. I'm going to go to sleep now before I open seventeen more tabs.