Running Alone Is a Different Sport

January 25th and I have now attempted solo running three times since the new year. Three times. The first one I wrote about already, a mile before I stopped, embarrassed, on a street where literally nobody was watching me. The second and third were this week, and I want to be honest with you because that is apparently what this blog does now: they were not better.

The problem isn't the cold, even though it is genuinely cold and my jacket is not as warm as I thought it was when I bought it. The problem is that running with the morning club, back when the morning club was actually happening, was never really about the running. It was about showing up somewhere and having other people show up too. You don't stop when someone else is still going. You talk, or you don't talk, but either way there is a body next to yours and that body is the whole reason you keep moving. Alone, it's just me and every thought I've had since December, and apparently I have a lot of thoughts. None of them are about running.

So I stopped into the rec center after my third attempt this week. Not for anything specific, I told myself I was just warm up a little before walking home. But I ended up in front of the bulletin board near the front desk for a solid ten minutes, reading every single posted flyer.

Scanning the schedule like something on there is going to fix my motivation

There are aerobics classes in there, a spin class, something called 'cardio sculpt' on Wednesday mornings, and, I didn't not notice this, a running group that meets Saturday mornings. It's listed. On an actual piece of paper. On an actual wall.

I haven't signed up for anything yet. I'm doing the thing where I sit with it for a few days and tell myself I'm being thoughtful when really I'm just stalling. But standing there reading that board felt different from sitting on my bed looking at a course catalog, there's something about being physically inside the building that makes the option feel real instead of theoretical. I might go back Saturday just to see. Or I might do another solo mile, feel sorry for myself, and loop back around. Both are very on-brand for me right now.